he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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