woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
