Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
