I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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