Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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