And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
