4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
