if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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