i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
