I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
