We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
