he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
