I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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