just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
