you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We left the knife in your bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
