WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
