Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dude. I can hear the air.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
