the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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