That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
