the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
