I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
