K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
