Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
