perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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