It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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