i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
