The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can Purell be used as lube?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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