if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
