You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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