Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
