Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

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(970): View more from Colorado

If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.

(731): View more from Tennessee

It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride

(702): View more from Nevada

Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding

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