im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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