It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
