Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
