just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
