her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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