I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
