Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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