you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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