Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
