Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Green mimosas i think yes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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