You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
