just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
