you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
