i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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