mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
