What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
