Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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