how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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