I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
