I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
